try something new*

Kellen lives for soccer... he will play it every single day if he could... 

i tried something new today. 

it.was.amazing! 

i felt happy and light and laughed for an hour non-stop. 

yesterday, when i was there, i felt awkward and scared and insecure. 

everything was knew. i did not know should i smile, should i act confident? but the overall feeling of feeling so out of place was too strong and i stayed with the insecurity. 

which was a waste of time (looking back today). 

why are we so scared to let go of the uncertainty, scared of trying that one thing we've always wanted to do? 

i'm going again tomorrow. 

that feeling good feeling? too good to let go. 

so, are you going to try that something new today? 

do it.

ordinary moments*

we've been cherishing the extra-ordinary moments around here this weekend... for me the most beautiful things lie right here in the moment... 

grandmom baked some rusks before she left and kellen has been having those for breakfast and lunch for a week now... he does not share well..hehe... 

we had a surprise guest from south africa and 3 hours into our visit we heard it was his birthday and quickly we had to make some celebration happening! around here we don't need much to throw a party! 

of course making and playing with friends at the pool is not something to miss out on. we spent most of our weekend right here in the pool...laughing and splashing...

mmmm.... still summer around here...hehe... we LOVE the weather and the pool...and the friends...and the lilos and the watermelon...

but the friends?! it's ALL about the friends.... always xx

(PS: we love where we live )

super power*

what is YOUR superpower?

tell me xx

i want to remember*

i want to remember how brave he was on his first day. he walked into the hall and sat next to his friends, looking behind him every now and then to making eye-contact with me...

i want to remember how when he walked into his new class, he bravely let go of my hand and went to the back of the class to play with the cars...

i want to remember how proud i was of him when he told me i can go now, he has to stay in his new class

i want to remember how this mama stood around, wanting to stay, but bravely turned around and left

i want to remember how excited i was to pick him.. how he stood there and when he looked up...

he saw me and gave me the biggest, most beautiful smile...

i want to remember how happy he was to see me... and kept eye-contact until he had to go stand in the row

i want to remember how big he was and waited patiently until his teacher opened the door

i want to remember how proud i was of him

i want to remember how he told me to go wait with the other mommies, how he looked at me and showed me to come to him... how obedient he was and waited until his teacher told him that he can go to me...

i want to remember how he hugged me and held me a few minutes longer than usual...

i want to remember how he woke up in the mornings with questions about school...

i want to remember how excited he got when we walked up to his class...

i want to remember how tired he was when i picked him up in the afternoons... and how he said 'i just want to rest a little bit'...

i want to remember how the first thing he say when i pick him up is: 'mama, i'm hungry'.

i want to remember how he asked me on the 4th day:
him: 'mama, until what age must i stay in school?'
me: 'until you are 18, why are you asking'.
him: 'i don't like school, i have to do what they tell me to do all the time and i want to do what i want to do'.

1st time we saw bella*

this is the photo our social worker sent us after phoning us about bella*

when i look into her eyes*

i loved her before i even met her. i had one photo of her and 2 days later after the excitement of the call i was staring at her in the only photo we had, looking for little things that can tell me more about who she is, when i realised how sad she looked. i burst out in tears. 

i wanted to pick her up and hold her. i wanted to tell her how much she is loved and wanted. i wanted to tell her how long we have waited for HER and how many prayers we've asked to get to her... how long it took to hold our baby in our arms... i wanted to rock her and sing her to sleep... i wanted to trace her little face with my finger and stare into her eyes and with my eyes, without one word, she would feel how much we loved her. 

the first night she slept in her own cot, with her mama and daddy right next to her, she did not wake. she slept for hours on end. we were waiting in the lounge for her to make a peep so that we 'have to' pick her up... but she didn't wake. with every movement i jumped up and ran to the room, to see that she is still sleeping. disappointed i turned around, because my mom said you don't wake a sleeping baby :-).  at 9 o'clock that evening she turned around and made a tiny sound, on which i ran to the room and i swooped her up in my arms and started talking to her... with the idea to wake her. i just couldn't wait any more.. i wanted to talk to my daughter. 

everything about that conversation was magical. 

it's one year later.  she is in awe of everything around her. her eyes lit up when she sees her daddy and every morning the first person she looks for and call is 'ba-ba' (boeta).. her brother.  when she sees her brother she gets a little jump in her feet as if she is getting ready for take-off. she totally adores him. he asked me the other day why she always follows him (and he is only 5....imagine when he is 10!)... the only answer i had for him is that he is her superhero. we are what her life is about.

on the evening of 22/08/11, she became a daughter, a sister, a daddy's girl, a granddaughter, a cousin, a friend loved my many many people. she made our family rich and happy. we are the luckiest people alive that God chose us to parent this little beautiful girl.

today, i looked into her little eyes and i saw something different...a challenge, a 'i want to see what mama is going to do' look, and i knew it was just the beginning of this little brave girl for whom our social worker had to fight to get her place in our family. i saw determination to get what is hers and i saw adventure... 

today i saw her fierceness and passion to stand up for herself, i saw braveness and softness all at once. i saw a little girl who has changed so much since that first little photo... i see happiness. 

1st day in year 1*

yesterday was his first day in year 1.  

a new teacher and new friends... he wanted to know if I'm going to go with him to his class and stay a little while.

when he got up at 7am (!!! we slept until 9am every day for the last 7 weeks of holiday!) he giggled, looked at me and said: 'mamma, you wish you were me who could go to school today, but you can't go, because you are too big'.  

on monday evening we had a 'back-to-school celebration'. i cooked his favorite dinner and he could have his dessert first. he was quite chuffed with himself.  he was giggling through out the dinner. 

i made this crown for him, which we will do yearly and spoke about our motto for the year, 

daring greatly. to be in a different country, in a new school year, speaking a second language can be quite daunting.  so we are daring greatly, staying positive and making the best of every chance we get. 

yes, he wants to make cars when he is big. it changed in the last week from doing what his daddy does, to the 'best soccer man there is', to making cars.  this was the one he chose this morning...hehe... 

it's still a bit surreal that our 'little' boy is in big school, going to learn to read and write this year... my heart was beating a bit faster today and i wished i could have stayed there and just observe... 

he had a great day.  when i picked him up, he ran to me and held me a few minutes longer than he usually does... which reminded me that he is just a little boy.

i made a crown for his little sister as well, but as you can see she was nowhere to be seen as she was climbing on the couch, and the chairs, and the table and the steps... (and took a bite out of the crown)... she is going to move mountains... hehe...