tips on living the life you imagined*

Life is good. One can really live the life one imagined... it usually is in the day to day living that one realize 'aha! i have imagined a life so full and rich of love and this is it'.

many a night i've imagined how we walk in the rain.... go for walks in the rain... enjoy the rain on your skin.... feel the soft drops of love pitter patter on your skin...

many a night i 've imagined how my children develop en grow...we've been stretching and reaching to be our best selfs... we've been growing and making mistakes and laughing about them... but we always stand up and try again...

many a night i've imagined how we will talk about the beginning and the end of things/life....death is inevitable. it's a subject we talk about in our house. 'fish-fish' decided to move on... we had a funeral, there were some tears and lots of love...

many a night i've imagined how we would read together in bed.  try something new. late mornings in bed with a good good book... getting excited about new possibilities...

many a night i've imagined how our children get into bed with us for cuddles... morning cuddles... or is it more like midnight cuddles leading into morning cuddles...  oh how many a night did i dream about this.... 

many a night i've imagined how i will spend time with my children individually.... it's so important to spend time with each of our children separately.  with kellen it is easy.. he wants to go to a coffee shop, have a doughnut and a juice and chat...

many a night i've imagined how i'm going to feed my children healthy and nutritious meals....this girl loves meat, she sure knows how to eat a piece of chicken.

many a night i've imagined how i'm going to teach my children to take good care of their bodies... brushing teeth is a fun and playful thing in our house... we walk around and dance and hum while we take care of our teeth.

many a night i've imagined how i'm going to teach my little ones to make friends... to be gentle and kind...

many a night i've imagined how my babies are going to sit on my lap and we are going to swing into the sunset...

many a night i've imagined how i take my children to the park...how they cycle and climb and slide... magic...

may a night i've imagined how i'm going to teach them about safety... no problem. you just don't allow anything else than being safe...hehe...

many a night i've imagined how we are traveling the world... how i teach my children that they have the world at their feet... opportunities to expand their worlds... to spread their wings and to fly...

many a night i've imagined how sometimes we will do things we are not proud off or happy about... we try something new that didn't quite work out the way we imagined... we cry, we forgive (ourselves) and we move on... that is what life is about... your try out everything and you do those that make your heart sing!

many a night i've imagined our children being goofy, funny and wild, i've imagined them being kind and soft and caring...

many a night i've imagined how i will stand over their bed/cot and watch them sleep.... these moments, watching them is sleep, are some of the most precious and dear to my heart...

many a night i've imagined how i'm going to teach my children to stand in their light and be proud of themselves.

many a night i've imagined how we go on picnics with treasured friends in beautiful gardens with fountains and geese and ice-cream...

many a night i've imagined my children being creative and free... this designer at the south sea restaurant is just that.  this is in the gents bathroom, kellen is taking a wee and that is their view...brilliant!

many a night i've imagined this life i'm living, not feeling as if it is ever going to happen. the waiting was so hard, the not understanding so not understandable...

but here we are. 10 years later and we are living the life we always imagined.

YOUR dreams are coming true as we speak xx

when i look into her eyes*

i loved her before i even met her. i had one photo of her and 2 days later after the excitement of the call i was staring at her in the only photo we had, looking for little things that can tell me more about who she is, when i realised how sad she looked. i burst out in tears. 

i wanted to pick her up and hold her. i wanted to tell her how much she is loved and wanted. i wanted to tell her how long we have waited for HER and how many prayers we've asked to get to her... how long it took to hold our baby in our arms... i wanted to rock her and sing her to sleep... i wanted to trace her little face with my finger and stare into her eyes and with my eyes, without one word, she would feel how much we loved her. 

the first night she slept in her own cot, with her mama and daddy right next to her, she did not wake. she slept for hours on end. we were waiting in the lounge for her to make a peep so that we 'have to' pick her up... but she didn't wake. with every movement i jumped up and ran to the room, to see that she is still sleeping. disappointed i turned around, because my mom said you don't wake a sleeping baby :-).  at 9 o'clock that evening she turned around and made a tiny sound, on which i ran to the room and i swooped her up in my arms and started talking to her... with the idea to wake her. i just couldn't wait any more.. i wanted to talk to my daughter. 

everything about that conversation was magical. 

it's one year later.  she is in awe of everything around her. her eyes lit up when she sees her daddy and every morning the first person she looks for and call is 'ba-ba' (boeta).. her brother.  when she sees her brother she gets a little jump in her feet as if she is getting ready for take-off. she totally adores him. he asked me the other day why she always follows him (and he is only 5....imagine when he is 10!)... the only answer i had for him is that he is her superhero. we are what her life is about.

on the evening of 22/08/11, she became a daughter, a sister, a daddy's girl, a granddaughter, a cousin, a friend loved my many many people. she made our family rich and happy. we are the luckiest people alive that God chose us to parent this little beautiful girl.

today, i looked into her little eyes and i saw something different...a challenge, a 'i want to see what mama is going to do' look, and i knew it was just the beginning of this little brave girl for whom our social worker had to fight to get her place in our family. i saw determination to get what is hers and i saw adventure... 

today i saw her fierceness and passion to stand up for herself, i saw braveness and softness all at once. i saw a little girl who has changed so much since that first little photo... i see happiness. 

tips on finding your passion*

passion |ˈpaSHən|noun1 strong and barely controllable emotion: a man of impetuous passion.• a state or outburst of such emotion: oratory in which he gradually works himself up into a passion.• intense sexual love: their all-consuming passion for each other | she nurses a passion for Thomas.• an intense desire or enthusiasm for something: the English have a passion for gardens.• a thing arousing enthusiasm: modern furniture is a particular passion of Bill's.
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.”  - Rumi
when i click that shutter something happens... i experience an inner joy... a surfacing of passion... i forget about everything around me and focusses on the object... i smile... constantly... i observe... with deeper meaning... poems go through my mind... i connect sentences and words with pictures... i notice all the details... the colors... (i sometimes wonder how one can capture the smell?)... i move slower... i notice every thing... i want to capture more with my lens... i want to hold on to this moment for ever... i see the littles things... i look up and see the big, open, blue skies and know that He is alive... 
i am alive... in this moment, i am passion... it's moving through me, like a river, capturing this moment.