silliness & nap time*

every afternoon, monday to friday, i pick her up from her play school. we usually have fresh watermelon on the floor in the kitchen, talking about her morning.  then we go up to our bedroom for nap time.

for the first 2 years of her little life of 29 and a half months, she preferred to sleep in her cot, without anybody touching her or sitting with her.  at the beginning of this year, we decided to start putting her in our bed for story time, cuddles and some giggles before going to sleep.  (we've been doing this with kellen since he came to live with us).

this little video above is a perfect example of....

pure joy!
full hearts!
happiness!
silliness!

what love can do.  persistence and keep on trying. routines staying the same to accommodate our children. keep on touching and cuddling and kissing them. hug them tightly even if they don't like it. when they pull back or roll away, stretch your leg out and touch their feet, put your arm out, and stroke their back.. even if they push away again, don't get up. stay there.  it hurst, but keep on trying.

(in the adoption circles the professionals talk about reactive attachment disorder (RAD)... you can read more about that here.  )

today, this last 2 weeks, she has been asking 'mama arm lie'. which in our books are huge steps for her.  she falls asleep with her head on my arm, sometimes my shoulder and it is the most amazing feeling. her wanting to be close to me. her wanting to touch her mama before she falls asleep. pure m a g i c .

i told some new friends yesterday that if we stay in the moment, right here, right now, and concentrate on what is really important now, we will be happy.  happiness will come out in the form of giggles and joy and full hearts and little girls who is trying everything not to sleep, entertaining their mama's.

this is for you who are still waiting...

we are waiting too.

we are waiting for our other children.

it's endless.

you don't know anything.

it could happen tomorrow, next month, next year, 2 years from now...or never.

the 'is it going to happen at all' enters one's mind so often...daily... while you wait with every little thing in your heart for your child... you pray, you think positive thoughts, you hope and trust. you stay grateful for the life and children you already have. you try not to feel guilty for wanting more children (when there are so many couples who are still waiting for their first child).

you believe that the plan that God has for your family goes beyond anything you have ever thought... you believe that the plan He has for your family is huge and beautiful and many kids full and happy and healthy and soon. you believe it will be soon, 'at exactly the right time for your family'.

you trust.

and pray.

and trust again.

you live in trust.

you hold to every promise God made in the Bible and you trust in the big big plan He has for you.

thinking back about our life before our kids...how 'we' decided we are going to go on with our lives without children... 'because we choose to do so'...just to have that little bit control in your hands...you made that choice...

and today, with 2 children in our hearts and our hearts waiting in anticipation and patience and trust for our other children.. we cannot imagine our life without children. we, him and i, were put on this earth to parent these children... i know it in my heart.

wanting to have control in the situation is natural and normal.

let it go.

it takes too much energy. energy you can use to pray your children home. energy that you can use to let go and trust that He knows.

surrender.

surrender into trust.

surrender into God.

“God had brought me to my knees and made me acknowledge my own nothingness, and out of that knowledge I had been reborn. I was no longer the centre of my life and therefore I could see God in everything.” 
― Bede Griffiths

it will happen xx

* sending you who are still waiting the biggest and softest, 'i understand' hug... i know how scared you are, i know how much you doubt this truth, i know.

i also know it does happen, and you are loved and wanted and waiting... and yes, you are a mama, you are trusting, because it can happen for you too.