where have I been?

my first born went to year 2.  we were both a bit apprehensive and scared for the changes and the new things, but he was brave and willing to take on the new challenges.

this little muffet started a new school and LOVES it. amazing what a difference experienced teachers make to your child's life. 

i am so in love with that little lips..the way she pulls her mouth when she concentrates... adorable. 

she loves play dough and trying new things... 

Robin Hood went to school... he was quite the man :-) 

(for bookweek)

superman and papa smurf was there too. 

(this is Kellen's principal and department head of his school - i love the teachers) 

his new class and everyone was game for some fun in book week 

the year 8 children came down to their class to read with them... 

i still cannot believe that my son can read.... amazing

 we helped Kellen's teacher to decorate the front of their class for the book week door competition... 

and we won! 

smiling big*

our hearts are full... 

we spent 4 weeks with cousins + godchildren + sisters + brothers + fathers + mothers = family.

it was loud and busy and real and funny and a few fights and lots of laughter.

loads of memories.

we went to the seaside, open planes of the knersvlakte and the beautiful winelands.

we spent all our time with grandparents, cousins and friends. 

trying to get as close as possible to them without another cousin jumping in between. 

smiling from ear to ear, sleeping off the jet lag, unpacking and smiling,

remembering every moment in our country. 

“Sometimes," he sighed, "I think the things I remember are more real than the things I see. ” 
― Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

cousins*

one of the few moments of standing still... in silence...just hearing the wind blowing around us... 

these four have been busy and loud and awake! and alive! 

we may (or may not) have given them a little something to stand against the wall and smile...

but the suspense and eagerness to get up and run? 

they are on the go all the time.

in this moment i'm sitting in the bathroom with my laptop.

 i locked the door. 

all the kids (6 in total), in the lounge with the family... 

the silence in here, truly is golden. 

breath... 

ok...

ready to enter the madhouse 

of love and laughter! 

no place like home with the family! 

two peas in a pod*

say no more xx

re-entering*

friends of mine who attend retreats in america always talks about 're-entering' their lives after attending such said retreat.  it surely feels as if i'm re-entering kuala lumpur on an emotional level. 

yesterday was all about gratitude and love for our families and friends in south africa, of the opportunity  we were given to live overseas, of coming 'home' with all the photos and videos and memories of the most amazing 3 weeks spent in our country. of possibilities and even more opportunities that this year can hold for us. 

yesterday i was literally riding the wave of (emotional) joy and happiness. my heart was full. 

from left to right: my brother, willem, marcel (my husband), sue (my little sis), my dad and in the back 

Elizma (my sister-in-love). they bring out the best and worst of me..hehe... 

 cousins - instant connections 

 cousins in the bath

today, my heart is full.

but the emotions are different.  the gratitude is still there. the memories are overpowering good, but i put myself in a situation today where i had to be brave and step up for what i believe in and it felt like being brave was too hard to do.  i burst out in tears.  it was feelings of leaving my family and friends in south africa, of choosing to live so far away. of my children asking where their cousins and grand-parents are and we acting as if it is normal to live so far apart. feelings of getting back in routine, of being strong and brave and supporting my children where they can not. of raising them to be responsible, wild and free little ones within the cultural acceptance here in malaysia.

 marcel, chantal (sister-in-love), paul (brother-in-love) and me

 my father-in-love, photo taken 2am and he really wanted to sleep..hehe 

 my sweet mother-in-love... 

feelings of missing my mom and knowing that should i ever return to her home, the house we grew up in, there will be nothing of her. nothing. she now only lives in our memories. feelings of life that goes on for others and me who still want to hold onto her things... her clothes, her books... things that reminded me of her.  the only thing i could find of my mom (between everything that was going to be thrown away) was her wedding dress. i packed it in. it is here, with me in malaysia. sounds crazy. grief is crazy.  totally totally weird.

 bella and beth

having daddy with us every.single.day for 3 weeks... every minute of every day... nothing beats that!  

 my sister-in-love, Elizma

but all these emotions are true to my heart. i felt them. some days i still feel them.  some days they linger and stay for a while.  today was not the day to push them away and 'act' as if everything is fantastic. living overseas you sometime have to 'fake it till you make it'.  life is great. yes! we choose to make our life amazing and we live it to the fullest every.single.day.

ouma net and bella

but today, to be brave and far from the people that ground you and challenge you and fill your heart with joy, to realise you are here, and only you can make the choices as to how you are going to live this one and precious life, alone, was hard.

and then we go to bed.
we wake up tomorrow morning.
and a new day has begun xx

home*

Our hearts are full! 

Yesterday we arrived home after a 21 hour flight from South Africa! (the kids were angels).

We realised (again) how much we love our country. 

We know how much we are loved by our families.

We look forward to the day that we pack our belongings and go back to South Africa for good.   

We had 3 weeks of tremendous laughter! and giggles, of cousins and connections that only happens in families, (that thing about 'ties that bind' - yes!), weeks of sea and sand and blue blue skies, of colder weather (which we loved!), of beskuit (rusks) and meat and potjiekos and lots of wine, weeks of going to bed late at night and getting up early to capture the day (not! the kids woke up early..hehe). We had the most amazing 3 weeks with our families in our home country, South Africa. 

Just before we left we were contacted by a lady to adopt a baby boy... unfortunately he has been adopted by another family and we are excitingly waiting for our baby.  Praying that he/she will arrive at exactly the right time as we know that God knows every little and big detail.  

I will post more about all of the above in the next few weeks. 

Heart full. 

Kids (very) happy (and awake :-) 

Dreaming. Praying. Trusting. Knowing. 

tips on infertility: random things not to ask any one who don't have children*

This post is for anyone who have friends/family who are trying to grow their family.  Be wise and read and be informed... and then you just love them... don't ask questions... don't make assumptions... just love and pray.

To our family and friends (you know who you are) who have said nothing... who loved us and prayed with us... who knew that we too did not know the answers... we love you...well... and then some... do i even say more.  it is sad how little integrity (is that the word?) some people have... so here you go... a few questions we got asked again and again..even to this day....wink-wink* - don't ask these questions to people who don't have kids... just plain ol' rude... :-)

1.    when are you having kids?
2.    how many kids do you want?
3.    is there a problem?
4.    who has the problem?
5.    have you tried...
6.    God has a plan
7.    you should pray (believe me, we know)
8.    you know, this one and this one did this and this...
9.    i'm so sorry
10.  i know how you feel (really?)
11.  you should try...
12.  why can't you get pregnant
13.  have you heard this joke...(insert joke about someone who cannot get pregnant... )
14.  that's such a shame. you will make great parents.
15.  i know of so and so....
16.  keep on trying... (really?)
17.  i hope you don't mind me asking, but... (don't ask!)
18.  why don't you just adopt? (yes, why don't you just adopt...so easy! :-)
19.  don't worry, it will happen when you don't think about it.
20.  you should drink less coffee.

yep people, drink less coffee :-) xx

PS: 21.  'come, come, pull yourself together,  no-one died'.  said to me after our first implant which failed by 'my best friend'.  yep, not friends any more.  (phew! i just pulled this one out of the archives of my memory banks...such a long time ago... )

welcome to singapore*

My dad and sister are visiting from Canada and South Africa. We are having the time of our life, just came back from a week visiting singapore...

welcome to singapore ! (unreal!) 

We are for sure living at this station...hehe.. 

there were lots of play in the sand and water... cousin love! 

many a night we would walk down to the beach for dinner... right 

next to the beach... we talked and laughed and ate while the cousins were

swimming right in front of us in the sea... 

we walked every single day... it was super hot, literally. 

anyone freezing, come visit us! 

We were here the whole week... the southern most point 

of continental asia... surreal! 

family + cousins + sun + traditions + laughter + memories = one big LOVE fest! 

having my dad and sister visiting with her 2 sons, is amazing. 

these past few weeks went like a whirlwind, with such magic! 

heart full xx