full heart*

As I cruise through the month of January, all I can think of is how happy I am..
how full my heart is...
how much joy there is in my life...
how much i love my family,
how I adore to be a mama to two little souls...

The days when I put my own needs away, and only attend to the giggles and cries and questions of my little girl and her big brother, those were magical, peaceful, calm days. The other days, where there were thoughts of 'i want to do this, and this and this, and go here, and do that'... hmmm.... crazydays.... hehe'.

I leave you with a written piece of Tracey Clarke... saying exactly where I am on my journey in life and mamahood.

" I nurture the seeds of my dreams tenderly asI know that my

 faithful and unwavering practice will eventually lead to a harvast.

There is nothing I can do to speed the process,

so instead-as I hold in my heart excitement for the

fruition of my dreams, as my mouth waters in anticipation of

the juicy adventures that are the horizon - I will prepare.

I will ready my heart and soul.

I will wash the dishes and do the laundry.

I will take the time to tidy my home honoring what is to come.

I will wake each morning to my watering can and tend to my dreams, but I will not rush them.

I will be patient and approach each day knowing that I don't have much time

until my dreams are ripe on the vine. 

I want to be ready for the harvest; to have much of the work out of

the way so that when my dreams are ready, I will be too.''

  - Tracey Clark -

quoted from Desire to Inpsire by Christine Mason Miller

Merry Christmas*

I'm still daily surprised that we are so lucky and blessed to have a little boy AND a girl...

this Christmas we can give thanks with my family...all together around a Christmas tree, all the cousins and brothers and sisters...my mom in our hearts...

celebrating that He live and love us.

Happy Holidays xx

something for you*

you have greatness and genius within you.

be bold - take your place center stage in your life.

choose love.

grow something.

believe in your own happiness.

you are remarkable!

wherever you go, there you are.

let life flow.

share.

choose to experience the sweetness of today.

kill them with kindness.

it's amazing to know that you exist!

the magic of her fairy godmother*

dear fairy-godmother,

this moment is filled with love,

filling my heart, and your heart and kellens' heart.

when you are close, everything falls into place.

i fall into a calmness that my mama cannot explain...

it must be your softness + love + calmness + amazement and wonder of life.

thank you for saying yes.

yes for life.

yes for you.

yes for me

(and kellen...he loves you too...)

thank you for being here.

for embracing me with your whole being.

thank you for loving me even before you knew me.

and when you met me... for opening your heart a million kazillion times.

you are magic, but then,

you are the fairy-godmother...wink*

i'll treasure the moments we are together.

you are the sweetness in our lives.

we love you xx

So every day
I was surrounded by the beautiful crying forth
of the ideas of God,
one of which was you.”
― Mary Oliver



in this moment*

Where have we been?
Time flies when you are having fun...heehee...
We've been...

drawing in the road...experiencing how much taller Kellen is than his sister...

Spending some time with daddy and bella...

when kellen opens his eyes in the morning, his first words are: 'Mama, please bring bella'... and then he cuddles with her...

 having friends over for breakfast...you definitely need some kisses on the table...

making friends...

being grateful and mindful about just how lucky we are to have each other... the clothes that bella has on is still something my mom bought for morgan when he was a baby...sooo special...



still waking up...cuddling with bella...

Time sure flies when you are having fun! I thought being at home is going to be awesome with all the time I'm going to have available.... without realising 4 hours has past (again) and it's time for Bella's feed.

And here we are in November already. I missed a whole month (blogging) but definitely not living. For me there is nothing more amazing than being a mama to 2 little ones....it is pure magic.

family time is sooo precious*

We went away this past weekend, stayed on a farm close to Stanford.  It was lazy days of breakfast and giggles in bed, talking and playing until we felt like getting up and out.  We love mountains and sunshine, blue skies and green green grass... and I love how much Kellen and Bella already love each other... when ever she sees him she starts laughing. 

We are a bit tired over here as Bella is keeping us awake at night...not with crying... or anything like that...no...she talks and coo and giggles....for 2 hours at a time... we listen...and giggle quietly...not to 'wake her'..heehee..... loving every moment of being a family of four. 

God's promise

5 years ago, in the midst of our infertility journey,  i went to church.  after about 10 minutes i decided to leave as i didn't feel that the message was for me.  i decided as soon as everyone stands up, i'll just disappear, without anyone noticing. as the people stood up, the pastor turned towards the side of the church where i was standing and said: 'you, you who are angry with God, sit'.  so i sat. 

Philippians 1 vers 6 says:  'being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ' 

this was the promise i held onto these past years.  God promised that He will finish the beauty in our lives that He started.... 

on 7th july 2008 we got a call the monday afternoon at 17h00, asking us if we want to adopt kellen. the same friend who phoned me, phoned me on the 3rd of february 2007, saying the following: 'lynne, i'm standing with your son in my arms. your son was born today.  i had a dream and your and marcel's name is engraved on his forehead'.  (you can read kellen's adoption story here)

on the 22nd of august 2008 we went to pick our little boy up... he was 18 months old. 

returning to the present. 

kellen is 4 and a half years old. he has been our son... forever. 

on the evening of the 19th of august @ 19h00 we got an email to contact our social worker (most amazing 2 women in the world!) in cape town, south africa.  (we were living in malaysia at this stage).  her first words to us were: 'we need to know what your situation is as we have a little baby girl who needs to be placed next week. i'm flying on monday to pick her up'.  

we asked if we could phone her back in a few minutes... 

we stared into each other's eyes... tears running down my cheeks.... (thinking in the back of my mind...this cannot be happening! it's amazing! there is a little girl up for adoption! what are we going to do). marcel and i gave each other one look and he phoned his company to change our air tickets to get back to south africa as soon as possible. we phoned our social worker and said we are on our way.  she giggled and gave us some information... i asked her name... she said her name is 'Bella'. it's all i needed to know... Bella... it means 'Beautiful' 

marcel and i looked at each other, i said her name is Bella and we said: 'our baby girl's name is 'bella'. 

with kellen we decided to keep his birthname, (which means 'mighty warrior') -  not for one second did we think of changing his name. we only added marcel's dad's name, daniel, and our surname, malan = kellen daniel malan

we decided to give bella my mom's name, elizabeth. on the sunday after the call i researched the spiritual meaning of elizabeth... 

Elizabeth \e-lizabe-th, el(i)-za-beth\ as a girl's name is pronounced ee-LIZ-a-beth. It is of Hebreworigin, and the meaning of Elizabeth is "God's promise; God is my oath".

breathing out... 

God's promise. full circle. a boy and a girl. love. 

on the 25th of august 2011 we picked our little girl up at the airport....3 years and 3 days after we got our amazing son! 

becoming parents of a little baby is something different... 

we would walk past the stroller and pram, look at each other... 

i said: 'we are getting a baby'... and he would start laughing :-) 

in 3 days we packed and cleaned our flat.... and did baby shopping..heehee.. 

here we are on our way down to the lobby to get the taxi for the airport. 

getting one's sister make you sooo tired! 

self portrait of the two of us, 

the new mommy and daddy to a baby girl... 

one word: nervous

2 words: nervously ecstatic! 

3 words: trusting the process

Thursday afternoon, 25.8.11 

cape town international airport

we sat there holding hands... each with our own feelings, 

no expectations, waiting... 

nearly exactly 3 years before we went to pick 

up this little cutie pie... it's.so.magical

big brother waiting patiently for 'his baby'

and there she was... 

the most beautiful little girl.. 

looking at everyone... 

kellen could not wait to hold his sister... 

she fell asleep in my arms in the car... 

when we got home we laid her in the cot on which 

she opened her eyes...marcel went to her and when she 

saw him, she started smiling and talking... 

she adores her daddy.

kellen cannot stop kissing her cheeks....yesterday she got in bed

with the 3 of us, he crawled closer to her and said: 'good morning my little angel'. 

bathtime... she loves water. 

and her daddy. 

look at that cute little leg... adorable. ! 

and there she is... 

bella (elizabeth malan)