Friday, July 12, 2013

crazy, happy get-togethers* (dreams coming true)

“I realized these were all the snapshots which our children would look at someday with wonder, thinking their parents had lived smooth, well-ordered lives and got up in the morning to walk proudly on the sidewalks of life, never dreaming the raggedy madness and riot of our actual lives..."
― Jack KerouacOn the Road

(christina & Michelle...this is for you! xx)

i've dreamed of this madness...of kids running around, noise, lots of it, in reality something that sounds like chaos, but it's such happiness!!! being with these people was crazy and loud and funny and not funny and tiring and exhilarating... it was kids crying and kids fighting and laughter that ended in tears, kids saying they are hungry and mom's looking at each other...silence... 'no, not serious', continuing the same conversation for the 10th time. it was a dream coming true.

i thrive and come alive with many kids around me... my heart expands and fills up all at once... it's crazy and bizarre...

it's hard too. and challenging. and 'i-don't-know-what-i'm-doing' hard, it's guessing and trusting and believing that you are teaching them the right things. it's repeating and reminding and smiling and praying for patience... reminding yourself in their moment of overwhelm 'be the parent, be the parent'... don't over-react'... breath out... hard i tell you.  to get that balance right... it's hard.

but i would not change one thing.... except having more kids :-)

everything. all of this. it's magic.

 “the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.” 
― Jack KerouacOn the Road
*dear christina & michelle,
thank you for being 'mad' with me and allowing me to be mad with you :-)
thanks for making me burn with desire to be the best mom for my kids!
you inspire me xx

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