i want to remember*

i want to remember how brave he was on his first day. he walked into the hall and sat next to his friends, looking behind him every now and then to making eye-contact with me...

i want to remember how when he walked into his new class, he bravely let go of my hand and went to the back of the class to play with the cars...

i want to remember how proud i was of him when he told me i can go now, he has to stay in his new class

i want to remember how this mama stood around, wanting to stay, but bravely turned around and left

i want to remember how excited i was to pick him.. how he stood there and when he looked up...

he saw me and gave me the biggest, most beautiful smile...

i want to remember how happy he was to see me... and kept eye-contact until he had to go stand in the row

i want to remember how big he was and waited patiently until his teacher opened the door

i want to remember how proud i was of him

i want to remember how he told me to go wait with the other mommies, how he looked at me and showed me to come to him... how obedient he was and waited until his teacher told him that he can go to me...

i want to remember how he hugged me and held me a few minutes longer than usual...

i want to remember how he woke up in the mornings with questions about school...

i want to remember how excited he got when we walked up to his class...

i want to remember how tired he was when i picked him up in the afternoons... and how he said 'i just want to rest a little bit'...

i want to remember how the first thing he say when i pick him up is: 'mama, i'm hungry'.

i want to remember how he asked me on the 4th day:
him: 'mama, until what age must i stay in school?'
me: 'until you are 18, why are you asking'.
him: 'i don't like school, i have to do what they tell me to do all the time and i want to do what i want to do'.