dear birth mama,
i wish i could sit across from you today to look you into your eyes, to touch your hand and thank you from the bottom of my heart. to thank you for giving me this opportunity to mother this little girl into her life.
i wish i could thank you for carrying her for 9 months, thank you for taking good care of yourself so that we today, have a healthy, well-developed little spunky (courageous and determined:) girl. i wish i could thank you for caring enough to have her at a hospital and for making the decision to have her adopted.
i wish i could speak with you and hear your story... who you are and what makes your heart flutter... i wish i could hear the dreams you had/have for her. i wish i could see the 'connection between you and her... the traits that you and she share... i wish i could give that too to her one day. to be able to know the woman who carried her and brought her into the world.
i wish i had photos of you and her. i know somewhere there must have been, if just for a moment, so much love for this little girl of yours... i wish i could show that love to her...
i wish i knew that you were ok. i wish you could tell me that you pray for her too. that you think of her every moment of every day. i wish i could hear how you dream of her and what those dreams are you have for her.
i wish i could send you photos of her swinging...that is her most favorite thing to do these last few weeks. we go to the park, she runs to the swing singing weeeeeeeee.... then she looks at me and say 'push' with a smile that melts my heart.
i wish i could show you how she plays with her dolls. how she naturally comforts her 'bebe', feed them and kisses them. i wish i could show you how she speaks with them... telling them little stories which always ends in her cuddling them.
i wish you could see how much she adores her brother... how when she opens her eyes in the morning, she looks around, stretch and calls 'boeta'. then she runs to our room, calling 'pappa pappa', looking at me with that beautiful smile of hers.
i wish you could see how strong and courageous she is. how daring and wild. how she easily warms up to people and how stubborn she can be to get her way. i wish you could see how much she enjoys playing in the water. she never used to love sand, and the past few months when she sees the sea, she calls me and say 'sea, jump'. i wish you could see how she sits for minutes and look at every little shell on the beach.. how she picks it up and calls mama, look! that smile of adoration of realising she just got a treasure... pure joy!
i feel blessed and overwhelmed all at once. i'm thankful that you chose her name. that you gave her a name that she can carry with pride. i'm thankful that she will know about her first mama one day. i'm thankful that she is healthy and alert. i'm thankful that she is determined and strong-willed, thankful that she knows what she wants. i'm thankful that she believes in herself, that she is daring and wild. i'm thankful that she loves easily and is loved by so many. i'm thankful that she will be carrier of love, that she will change our world with her being.
she has changed our world the moment we heard 'when can you pick up your daughter'.
i'm thankful for you.
thank you for carrying and birthing this little wonder into the world!
happiest of birth days to you Bella, we love you to the moon and back xx